Guess who's back?

Me! Haha! Yes after months lost in the wilderness i have finally returned, and as i am about to move into a new flat I shall (with my new trusty Laptop) update you once more (irregularly as always, no doubt) with the sideshow that is my life.

Love and kisses.

El Grand Morto.

If it looks like, smells like...It is....

Right, so as you all amy have noticed i've been a bit slack on the electronic-communications front recently. This is mainly due to the new rules at work regarding internet usage etc. It seems that the new IT directives have been written by an ex-member of the Waffen SS, as we are pretty much limited from using any site but the BBC, and *Shock Horror* NO PERSONAL E-MAIL TO BE USED!!! The upshot of this is that I have to do all my interent cruising at home. Therein, Guys and Guy-esses lies another problem.
The Anglo-Polish war of 2006....
As some of you know, my home has been subject to a gradual Eastern-European invasion over the past 6 months. Now the tally runs at 4 Poles (Polish people, not telegraph poles obviously) and my house mate (who, incidentally has a Polish/Croatian/ Albanian Father) so at the moment it feels a bit like a internment camp for refugees, but without Wycliffe Jean (boom-boom!). One of the polish guys has fucked about with the PC and installed a Polish Firewall/Anti-virus program which again, seems to have been written by a member of the Waffen SS (anyone searching the internet for Waffen SS and Poland in the next few weeks is gonna come STRAIGHT to my site hehehehe!) as it disconnects the interent every time I try and access MOH, Limewire, Gracenote and generally pretty much everything with the exception of his bloody chat software that he uses to talk to his fricking servant wife back in peasant-ville. (Can you tell i'm slightly anoyed by this?)

So I unistalled it...............!

He wasn't very happy about this for some reason.

Apart form this, we had the bad news that Cameron

has asthma, although the doctors are confident that he will grow out of it in a few years, just means he gets a bit wheezy when he's been running about too much. (That'll be every day then!) However it doesn't seem to affect him greatly and he's still a lovely (but cheeky) little monkey.



He's at that stage now where when he does something naughty and you consequently tell him off, he just loks at you, smiles and says "Uh-oh!". I tell you, the Teletubbies have a lot to answer for....

Aside form this myself and my friends had a very, er, interesting experience recently which relates to the title of this post. At work last week one of my colleagues showed us a picture taken in a field on the outskirts of town. This picture (and the subsequent story) told of a virtual plantation of cannabis! My other friend from work got the day off work just to go and check it out (addicts, huh?). Myself, I waited until I finished work and went to check it out with Neil and another colleague from work.
To get to the site in question we had to drive to the outskirts of town and walk for about 15 minutes up a very steep hill through a forest, but when we got there we were greeted by a scene that can only be described as breathtaking, it was like a scene from the Leonardo DiCrapheadio film, The Beach.



Immediately we set about collecting the tops of the plants where the buds were, and attempting to resist the urge to to run through the field naked, sqealing with delight.*
As we did this we kept hearing the occasional rustling noise, and giggle, which betrayed the position of fellow explorers within this field.









As we did this a few groups of teenage kids arrived and told us that the crop had been there for a few years, but for some reason the rumour about it had only spread round S over the last week. They also warned us about the farmer who owned a shotgun and two large Alsatians and wasn't afraid to use either of them against potential trespassers (mind you ALL farmers in my experience own shotguns, and also own very large dogs. I think this is just something that they get given on passing out from agricultural college, along with a phrase book with helpful phrases such as "Gerroff moi land" and "See them Sheeps...?") which resulted in a frantic stampe for the path as soon as any dog walker appeared on the other side of the hill.
Once we'd collectively collected a good bin-bag full we decided to leave. Now theoretically we should have spotted the obvious thing about this field. For one we were all amazed that such a large crop (the pictures do not do it justice, this field was easily 5-6 acres) has never been busted by the Feds, especially when talk had been rife around town for at least a few days. The trouble was we were all too blinkered by the existence of such a wonderful thing, as one of my friends replied when i texted him a picture: "How did you find the keys to heaven?!!" (Another friend from Bristol offered to come up bringing a transit van with him!). But in hindsight we should have been thinking the obvious. The field was nothing more than a very large crop of Cannabis Sativa, or in laymans terms, Hemp. Yep, we were fooled by the THC-free sibling of the Marijuana family. To get high off this stuff would have meant smoking the whole damn field!


Oh well, it probably did us a favour anyway, especially seeing as i'd not touched the stuff in months, if it had been real we would either have been Drug Barons by now, or dead in a ditch! Hahaha!


*Especially seeing as there were other people about. This is not behaviour befitting of a 26 year old really.

Apologies...

Been really busy at work doing some God-awful project shit so not had time to update. However, the good news is I am downloading some awesome new pics this weekend which means you can expect a proper post on sunday (probably!). To all my loyal fans/friends please do not be disheartened, I might even get back on MOH at some point too!

Au Revoir,

Mort.

A Different Life

I was working the bar as I do most other Thursday nights when low & behold someone I hadn't seen for about 4 years came in and stirred a memory long forgotten. It was a lass I was kinda seeing for a while whilst at uni (not for very long, we had a few dates and that was about it, I ended up getting back with one of my long-term uni ex's instead). She was avery pretty girl, but she was always a little indescisive, and besides I wasn't really over the aforementioned ex so it came to naught. Anyway, after we broke things off she very kindly informed me that her parents were ex-pats living in Bali and that I missed out on many potential holidays there (yes, thanks for that...). Apparently she is just about to start up a dive-school in Bali (where she lives, she must be the only person on Earth who lives in Indonesia and visits Scarborough on her holidays!) and so I was cordially invited to go out and visit, if I so wished.

Am I the only one who wishes that sometimes life turns out dufferently?

I forgot to get her e-mail address in the end so this entire story is pretty pointless now isn't it?

Bugger.

I Am Well Aware............

................that I haven't posted for a while now, the trouble is i'm a wee bit busy at the mo. I have realised that I am beginning to show signs of "Corporate-Boy" syndrome, where by the sufferer begins to actually work hard to meet his quarterly targets (120% so far, three days left!) and I have applied for a job "Upstairs".

Not many people return from "Upstairs" and those that do are changed forever. I have decided to grab the Bull by the horns and apply for a job outside my usually snug comfort zone (It's a product officer's position in the marketing department). From now on i'm working for "The Man".

Please don't hate me!



My new image? Maybe, i've always thought there was something pretty fly about pin-stripes and a bowler hat!

Toodle-pip!

Moving swiftly onwards....

After the emotional nature of my previous post I feel that I must now once again dive back into a slightly happeir frame of mind. The following post will be full of all the other pics I have taken, some of them being quite funny (I hope!).
So far my time here has been pretty cool (with the exception of England being robbed blind by a bastard Argentinian Ref (they can never accept that we kicked their ass in 1983) and that posing-wanker Christiano Ronaldo, grrr) I have met some cool people and eaten lots and lots of the most gorgeous cakes you will ever see (Mmmm cakes and pies!).

So here are a few pics:



My bro looking like Action Man in his uniform.



My Bro's mad-ass dog, Pepper, some funky hybrid of Labrodour and German Shepard apparently.



The lake where we walked Pepper a few times.



Me and my Bro on a roller-coaster at Heide Park. On Sunday we went to this massive theme park and it kicked ass. Got on all the rides at least twice which was quite cool, althogh i'm not sure my brother liked the one called "The Scream". Basically it cranked you 200ft up a big pole then dropped you for a 2 second free fall. WOOO!



Said "Scream" as seen from underneath as carriage drops.





Me & Marc on the tabogan ride, good action shots, eh?!!



A big bad-ass Rhion beetle which I found whilst at mr bro's Battery Dine-out. Cool!

Trip To Belsen

As promised here are the pictures from my trip to Berlsen Concentration camp, and the surrounding area. Hopefully this will demonstrate to you just how evil mankind really can be. 30,000 Jews were murdered here, along with 60,000 Soviet prisoners of war. Besides these, countless homosexuals, disbaled children, and political prisoners perished too at the hands of the nazi regime. What I learnt truely shocked me.





The first pic marks the entrance to the site, the second was taken inside the small museum on site, it's some actual clothing worn by a Jewish prisoner.





Seen above is the monolith memorial and an inscription from the huge wall that surrounds it.





Wooden cross originally erected in 1946 by survivors and families along with a shot of the interior of the hall of silence. Note Star of David marked out on the floor. This building was very thought-provoking. It was constructed of stainless-steel and had a glass roof, but inside it was deathly silent.







The previous pictures show Anne Frank's Burial, the main Jewish Grave marker and the stones which mark individual family plots.











The original buildings were all but destroyed by the British forces who liberated the camp, for one reason they were riddled with Typhoid, but also because the troops were so sickened by the atrocities they saw, they didn't want to leave any reminders. All that remains now are these Heather covered mass-grave sites which bear the number of dead that lie inside them.

A short walk away form the main camp is the Soviet Prison of War Grave which marks the site of the former prisoner of war camp. If it were possible, these poor souls were treated even worse, often being left throughout the winter months with no protection from the elements. Many thousands died of exposure and hypothermia.











The previous pics are from the soviet grave-site. The fourth one is the grave of a Georgian or Ukranian Woman who became a Guerilla fighter and fought during the Warsaw Uprising, before being captured and interred at Belsen, where she perished.

The final set of pictures I will post are from the military rail station literally 2 mins walk from my brother's house. This station is now used by the NATO forces to load/unload armoured vehicles, and so it is not used for public transport. During the war this is the point where almost all of the prisoners were brought in by train and dropped off before having to walk about 3-4 miles to get to the camp. Anyone who felt out on the way was shot. At the station the original ramp has been preserved and an original box-car used to transport people is displayed. These usually contained 40-60 people, and as you will see (with me as a scale) this must have been horiffic.